Lost Coin Class Notes April 1, 2008

*Administrative*

Patricia is out of town; give any dues or retreat fees to Rebecca.

Daniel mentioned that he and a group of friends have been talking about various places where they might start a community, one that would have a zendo, a spa, and other facilities, and would also be a good place for people to live as they get older.  The idea is in the early stages, but DS is excited about the idea?as his generation and the one following begin to grow older, they'll be able to reshape the idea of what older people do with their lives, how much intellectual stimulation they have, etc.

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DS then said he wanted to revisit the ideas of internal considering and external considering.  Although we've talked about those a lot, they're very important and worth returning to (and also, we have a lot of new members).

Your life and the story of your life are two different things.  When you're living your life (rather than being absorbed in the story of your life), you are the traveler-orphan.

Inner considering is when you do what you think others want of you.  It's taking the will of others, putting it inside of you, and replacing your will with that of others (or what you imagine to be that of others).

Being an orphan, a person who's completely or mostly free of what other people think, is very freeing.

There are only two people you should inner-consider:  your parents (if you're close and have a good relationship) and your teacher.  This is because if they're doing what they're supposed to do, they put only good in and want it all to be for the best.

External considering is being aware of what your actions create for others (the oft-misunderstood idea of karma) and also understanding that when you create good for others, you do it for yourself, too.

Caring about how others feel (as a conscious choice) is different from worrying about what they think about what you're doing.

External considering is how you decide to be in the world with others; inner considering is letting others decide how you will be in the world.  Inner considering makes you a slave to other people's opinions about your life.

(Several people asked about how these two concepts are different, and how to reconcile them.)

DS said it's a subtle difference.  He gave several examples, including the time when he was asked to perform a baby blessing for an LDS family whose kids were Buddhist.  He performed the Buddhist ceremony, but while looking around noticed that the men in the older generation seemed uneasy.  If DS had then been uncomfortable or insecure, he would have been inner-considering.  But he wasn't.  Instead, he realized that they were uneasy, and wanted to be kind to and caring for them, so he added "in the name of Jesus Christ" to his blessing.  This relieved the others' uneasiness, and was external considering on DS' part.

The problem is when you feel internally compelled to do what someone wants you to do?then you're not free.  It's not *what you do*, it's the effect it has on you that's so harmful.

Inner considering also raises the other person's expectations?they think you'll do anything they want.  But the first time you refuse, they tend to get very angry.  (Here he related much of this to romantic relationships, and several people discussed how this plays out in relationships.)

DS also talked about when he was first getting to know his wife, Caryn.  She was strong, and very much an individual, and rarely internal-considered?whereas Daniel did a lot of internal considering.  He found this quality in her strange at first, but then loved it; she was a whole person, and strong, and an individual.  *This* is compelling, and it makes for happier people and relationships.

Often we inner-consider because we think it will make people like us.  But we're liked by others for *external* considering?it's coming from you having a self, rather than being deprived of one.  When you're inner considering, not only does the other person not know who you are, but *you* don't know who you are.  You're robbed of your self and your relationships.

The orphan does not inner consider.

Gurdjieff's example of inner considering:  Gurdjieff didn't like nationalism.  But when he was, say, in the Ukraine, and the national anthem was played, he would go along with the rituals that were customary and expected (akin to Americans placing their hands over their hearts during the national anthem or pledge).  He didn't want to upset or offend others, but he didn't have to like it internally.  In that way, he was external considering, but not internal considering.  (DS returned to the idea of being "in this world but not of it.")

Someone asked about her discomfort at the idea of saying a prayer when she doesn't believe any part of what's being said.  DS said doing so would be slavery if she did it because she was scared of her mother in law's reactions; but if she did it to make her mother in law feel good and happy, it's not inner considering, and not slavery.  DS said he has no problem saying a prayer with others; he doesn't get hung up on the words themselves, or the particular tradition from which they come, but instead focuses on the substance.  In this way, he can easily participate in a Christian prayer and say that he is a sinner and humbly asks the Lord's forgiveness; he thinks of the ways he has sinned (by being unkind, etc.), and is sincere in his expression of wanting to atone for those sins.  As he often says at Kanzeon, we don't need separate clubs?one for Christians, for Jews, for Buddhists, etc.?we need one club, one that has room for Buddhas, for ashes on the forehead, for crucifixes, etc.

One person beautifully stated the differences between inner considering and external considering:  inner considering arises from ignorance and fear, while external considering arises from abundance and generosity.

Another person mentioned that if you want to get what you want from others, you need to external consider to a degree.  DS said this is a whole different subject, but also quite true.  You get a lot farther by pulling than by pushing.  Pulling is not inner considering; it's being something others like to be around, and drawing them in.  (This reminded DS of Bob Dylan's song "Lily, Rosemary, and the Jack of Hearts," and the charisma and
magnetism of the Jack of Hearts character.
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We should work on *not *inner considering first.  Connect it to the idea of the orphan; connect it to zazen.  When you forget yourself, you're free; all the ideas and stories disappear.

When you're free, an orphan, nothing bad can happen to you.  You can do anything, try anything, think anything.  You're going to die anyway, and it might not be long.

You stop identifying with the "self" and start identifying with *everything* .  That's when the orphan comes home.  It's thinking that makes your skin the separation between you and everything, rather than the connection between you and everything.

(We then sat for a while and experienced what it feels like not to inner consider, and thought about ways we do that in our lives and how we might stop doing it.)

DS said our earlier discussion about various liturgies made him think of a mantra for Lost Coin:  Stop being scared.

We're afraid something bad will happen if we don't comply with others.  But the bad thing has already happened when we let ourselves be governed by fear!

A second mantra would be:  Stop making sense.  You don't have to explain your actions to anybody, you don't have to comply.  Many quarrels are caused by people trying to make sense to another person ("I didn't say that; you said this;" etc.).

Stop being scared, and stop making sense.

We are free.  We just need to realize it, and work on it.  This is the practice.

DS then talked about the importance of the practice, and also of meeting more often with the group (Thursday night sitting, the retreats)?the more we interact, the more we bond and strengthen each other.

If you could have figured out what we're doing simply by using your intellect, you would have done it by now!  It can't be done through intellect alone; it's body, mind, and spirit all together.  The most important things in life can't be figured out in your head.

Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts

The festival was over, the boys were all plannin' for a fall,
The cabaret was quiet except for the drillin' in the wall.
The curfew had been lifted and the gamblin' wheel shut down,
Anyone with any sense had already left town.
He was standin' in the doorway lookin' like the Jack of Hearts.

He moved across the mirrored room, "Set it up for everyone," he said,
Then everyone commenced to do what they were doin' before he turned their heads.
Then he walked up to a stranger and he asked him with a grin,
"Could you kindly tell me, friend, what time the show begins?"
Then he moved into the corner, face down like the Jack of Hearts.

Backstage the girls were playin' five-card stud by the stairs,
Lily had two queens, she was hopin' for a third to match her pair.
Outside the streets were fillin' up, the window was open wide,
A gentle breeze was blowin', you could feel it from inside.
Lily called another bet and drew up the Jack of Hearts.

Big Jim was no one's fool, he owned the town's only diamond mine,
He made his usual entrance lookin' so dandy and so fine.
With his bodyguards and silver cane and every hair in place,
He took whatever he wanted to and he laid it all to waste.
But his bodyguards and silver cane were no match for the Jack of Hearts.

Rosemary combed her hair and took a carriage into town,
She slipped in through the side door lookin' like a queen without a crown.
She fluttered her false eyelashes and whispered in his ear,
"Sorry, darlin', that I'm late," but he didn't seem to hear.
He was starin' into space over at the Jack of Hearts.

"I know I've seen that face before," Big Jim was thinkin' to himself,
"Maybe down in Mexico or a picture up on somebody's shelf."
But then the crowd began to stamp their feet and the house lights did dim
And in the darkness of the room there was only Jim and him,
Starin' at the butterfly who just drew the Jack of Hearts.

Lily was a princess, she was fair-skinned and precious as a child,
She did whatever she had to do, she had that certain flash every time she smiled.
She'd come away from a broken home, had lots of strange affairs
With men in every walk of life which took her everywhere.
But she'd never met anyone quite like the Jack of Hearts.

The hangin' judge came in unnoticed and was being wined and dined,
The drillin' in the wall kept up but no one seemed to pay it any mind.
It was known all around that Lily had Jim's ring
And nothing would ever come between Lily and the king.
No, nothin' ever would except maybe the Jack of Hearts.

Rosemary started drinkin' hard and seein' her reflection in the knife,
She was tired of the attention, tired of playin' the role of Big Jim's wife.
She had done a lot of bad things, even once tried suicide,
Was lookin' to do just one good deed before she died.
She was gazin' to the future, riding on the Jack of Hearts.

Lily washed her face, took her dress off and buried it away.
"Has your luck run out?" she laughed at him, "Well, I guess you must have known it would someday.
Be careful not to touch the wall, there's a brand-new coat of paint,
I'm glad to see you're still alive, you're lookin' like a saint."
Down the hallway footsteps were comin' for the Jack of Hearts.

The backstage manager was pacing all around by his chair.
"There's something funny going on," he said, "I can just feel it in the air."
He went to get the hangin' judge, but the hangin' judge was drunk,
As the leading actor hurried by in the costume of a monk.
There was no actor anywhere better than the Jack of Hearts.

Lily's arms were locked around the man that she dearly loved to touch,
She forgot all about the man she couldn't stand who hounded her so much.
"I've missed you so," she said to him, and he felt she was sincere,
But just beyond the door he felt jealousy and fear.
Just another night in the life of the Jack of Hearts.

No one knew the circumstance but they say that it happened pretty quick,
The door to the dressing room burst open and a cold revolver clicked.
And Big Jim was standin' there, ya couldn't say surprised,
Rosemary right beside him, steady in her eyes.
She was with Big Jim but she was leanin' to the Jack of Hearts.

Two doors down the boys finally made it through the wall
And cleaned out the bank safe, it's said that they got off with quite a haul.
In the darkness by the riverbed they waited on the ground
For one more member who had business back in town.
But they couldn't go no further without the Jack of Hearts.

The next day was hangin' day, the sky was overcast and black,
Big Jim lay covered up, killed by a penknife in the back.
And Rosemary on the gallows, she didn't even blink,
The hangin' judge was sober, he hadn't had a drink.
The only person on the scene missin' was the Jack of Hearts.

The cabaret was empty now, a sign said, "Closed for repair,"
Lily had already taken all of the dye out of her hair.
She was thinkin' 'bout her father, who she very rarely saw,
Thinkin' 'bout Rosemary and thinkin' about the law.
But, most of all she was thinkin' 'bout the Jack of Hearts.

Bob Dylan
Copyright (c) 1974 Ram's Horn Music
